How To Fix Everything
We raise $500,000,000 for Michael Bay to make yet another Transformers movie. But it will only show for one night. And then all prints will be destroyed. So everyone who wants to see it must attend the premiere. Every movie theater will be under contract to show it on all screens. Then, at every screening, midway through the movie, the theaters fill with poisonous gas. The doors are locked from the outside. No escape. All of the stupid people die gasping. What remains of America’s problems could be fixed over the following weekend.
